Hoping for a Vantastic Christmas
If Santa’s sleigh broke down he would drive….
What would Santa drive instead of the sleigh?
…an Aston Martin or a Bentley I think. You must remember that Santa is a superstar. The jolly red-suited man is up there with James Bond and Superman. But this wouldn’t provide the load capacity needed. He must surely demand a mode of transport fit for such an iconic figure… a mode of transport that provides comfort for that belly like a bowl full of jelly….but one that can lug that sack of his.
However, if the recession has also hit the elves and reindeer, perhaps even Santa would make the sensible choice and drive a cheap van! Of course if wouldn’t be any van - it’s Santa after all. It would need to be a van offering suitable load carrying capabilities and aerodynamics - Rudolf and his crew aren’t as young as they used to be and the recession will probably mean fewer carrots left out by all the children! The recession may also have meant that one or two of the reindeer have picked up their P45s as the solicitor firm of Elfman, Sleighman & Clauses complete the redundancy programme.
So what van would Vansdirect choose for Ol’ Nick? Coca Cola would lead you to believe that the big-man would use a great big American articulated lorry, but this wouldn’t be a legal vehicle on the streets of Britain and the maneuverability would make those chimney stops almost impossible!
At the other end of the spectrum a small van, of the Citroen Nemo, Fiat Fiorino and Peugeot Bipper type, would probably offer the best handling in the market for all those city drop offs, but the size would limit either the number of presents he could deliver or simply mean every child would end up with only a satsuma.
A Transit sized van would seem the logical festive choice - it is to all intents and purposes the most popular sized van in the market. But a transit sized van generally spells the end of aerodynamics and a higher cost per square metre of load space. What’s more, if the van is fitted with a bulkhead, Santa’s visibility of the remaining presents would be restricted - how would he notice that little Johnny’s Go Go Hamster is still on board?!
A big van offers more value for money - perfect for our festive recession. The Iveco Daily and Citroen Relay are particularly cheap at the moment. But these monster vans suffer the same flaws as the Transit sized vans - poor aerodynamics - Dasher would end up changing his name to Stroller!
No, the perfect van would be a pick up. A Nissan Navara or Mitsuishi L200. Sleek, aerodynamic and with a load capacity equal to Santa’s sleigh. What’s more, Santa could opt for the comfort of a leather interior and a built in Sat Nav to lead the way (just in case the Elf responsible for this map was also made redundant!). What more could the white-bearded, mince-pie-eating, present-delivery man want? Oh yes….he could increase the load capacity with roof-bars and attach the flying reindeer to the aggressive front grille styling.
So, if you don’t hear the bells of Santa’s sleigh this year, or if his chariot looks a little odd on the Norad tracker system, it’s probably because he’s traded it in.
Merry Christmas to all of Vansdirect’s customers, suppliers and staff.
And if you’ve figured out how to get a van under the tree, please let us know!!!
